Light in the Water: Mercury Retrograde in Pisces 2020

In the epic poem The Conference of the Birds by Sufi mystic Attar there is a section entitled “The Valley of Poverty and Annihilation” which uses the ocean as a metaphor for spiritual transformation:

When the ocean tosses and breaks,

how can patterns that shimmer on the surface endure?

Both worlds are reflected in

those patterns dancing on the sea.

Deny it and you’re a misguided dreamer.

Shimmering patterns on the surface of the water is a perfect metaphor for Mercury, the planet that shares information, in Pisces, a water sign signifying spiritual and emotional abundance.

In 2020, like 2019, we will experience Mercury’s apparent backwards motion through water signs. These transits will bring to the surface emotions, data, and detritus from the past like flotsam in the waves.

Returning to 2019’s Mercury Retrograde in Pisces

The first step to considering Mercury Retrograde in Pisces in 2020 (February 17- March 10) is to review 2019’s Mercury Retrograde in Pisces (March 5-28). What themes arose for you then? What projects remain unfinished from that time? What new ideas were unfolding? What old material was brought to your attention?

As you review what happened for you in 2019, I’ll add one more question that is key to Mercury in Pisces: were you able to trust your intuition and the information it revealed? This was the main question of my 2019 blog post on Mercury in Pisces.

Looking back on my own experiences of Mercury in Pisces in 2019, I had two peak events: the very public closure of my family business and an introduction to the akashic records. Both of these events were experiences in overwhelming emotional states that burst through “normal” consciousness.

The Drowning

Owning a small business was by far the hardest thing I have ever encountered. And I’m sure my husband would agree, since he was the one who was responsible for managing every aspect of it. Each night at dinner, I would wait with fear in my gut to find out whether sales had been good or bad, what problems blew up or were solved, and what emotional state my husband was in. There was a particular look on my husband’s face when things were really bad. It was the face of a drowning man. It was an altered state of consciousness that I felt powerless to disrupt. When we finally closed the business in March of 2019, the time came to confront all the emotion that was behind that face. I spent most of the spring of 2019 in grief.

During this time, a trusted friend strongly suggested I consult with an “akashic records reader.” I didn’t know what that meant and I was apprehensive but decided to trust it. I learned that the akashic records are a metaphor for a vast ocean of consciousness that contains the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of every soul. “Reading the records” is an experience in channeling information from this source, which is also known as the akashic field.

After the reading, I learned how to access this source for myself and receive information that pertains to me. One image I have seen repeatedly since last spring is of myself drowning. Like a waking dream of dying, I would arrive at the point where I am about to die and not be able to see the end. I would be filled with dread— about dying, about what it would mean for everyone who loves me, about losing connections to those I loved.

A few weeks ago, this scene came back to me again during meditation in my akashic records. This time, I decided not to be afraid and asked to see the end result. The familiar scene continued as usual, but with a halo of light around it. I watched myself drown, felt all the terrifying emotions, but also saw myself held in light as I died and sunk into the depths. I saw my body becoming fish food, literally. I realized that the fear I have of drowning is nothing more than a fear of change, of endings, of losing myself to something vast that is greater than I can possibly comprehend. I wasn’t the lifeless body, I was the light in the water.

Another stanza of Attar’s poem quoted above says it best:

Lose yourself in this ocean.

Find solace in your lost state,

and a calming oblivion will embrace your heart.

Working with Mercury Retrograde in Pisces

The “calming oblivion” above is not an abnegation of the awareness of self through drugs, ecstatic states, or fantasy. Rather, embracing a calming oblivion means to recognize that there is a part of us that dwells in a boundless state of union with source. Reconnecting with this part of us is comforting, if we can relax and trust the process of surrendering to the “ocean.” Admittedly, this is not easy to do, as my exercise in drowning in the ocean while meditating took many attempts. Just envisioning drowning was hard enough, much less practicing this in real life, in moments of emotional overwhelm.

Yet my fear of drowning is actually the fear of forces beyond the control of my ego. Facing the fear of drowning in vision opened me to a greater sense of calm and connectedness. I directly challenged the thoughts, “What will happen to me if I die/ face financial ruin / lose everything?”

Finally, Mercury in Pisces is the faculty of perceiving the light in the water— the light dancing on its surface and the light that suffuses its depths, keeping aquatic creatures alive even in its absence.

A last stanza I’ll share from this poem reads:

When your soul is absorbed into the Ocean,

it is saved from its own oblivion.

That’s when creativity abounds and the mysteries of life begin to unveil.

So, my friends, the question of this Mercury Retrograde in Pisces is: How can you overcome your fear of the water’s depths and tap into a new source of creative potential?

Note: The poem excerpted above from The Conference of the Birds is brilliantly translated from the Persian by Sholeh Wolpé and published in 2017 by Norton.